List of Jerry Seinfeld's Girlfriends
|Name||Actress||Description & Quotes||Episode||Season|
|Elaine Benes||Julia Lois Dryfus||
"We used date, but now we're just friends."
|All but The Pilot||
|Vanessa||Lynn Clark||Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim & Taft||
The Stock Tip
"Ya know Jerry.. I dunno...."
|The Ex-Girlfriend||Season 2|
The Dockers Ad Girl
"Are those Cotton Dockers?"
|The Phone Message||Season 2|
|Isabel||Tawny Kitaen||Miss Crop Circles||The Nose Job||Season 3|
"Tell me about these Stooges."
"You're NOT a man!"
|The Suicide||Season 3|
The Hit and Run Girl
"Now you listen to me, suck face! You tell anybody, anything, and I will carve my initials in your brain tissue!"
|The Good Samaritan||Season 3|
|Nina West||Catherine Keener||
"I don't know what you expect to find out there, Jerry, you know what you want better than me. But there's one thing I do know. I know I can stand here watching you destroy everything I've ever wanted in my life, wanting to smash your face with my fists, because you won't make even the slightest effort to offer happiness and still know that I love you. You mean so much to me that I'm willing to take all your abuse and insults and insensitivity." ~ Neil Simon's Chapter 2
|The Letter||Season 3|
The Elmer Fudd Laugher
GEORGE: (on answering machine) Jerry, it's George. Hey, hey are you all set foe the week end. This is going to be great. You're going to have a great time with Naomi. All right, you know she's got that laugh. What did you say? It's like Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer?
The Bubble Boy
Elaine's Employee Who Chatted Too Long With Jerry
"You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?"
|The Cheever Letters||Season 4|
"Here's what I'm proposing. We eliminate all this. The hangers, the bar, the shelves. And in its place install a series of hooks. We'll put everything on hooks."
The Calvin Klein's "Ocean" Model
"I've never met a man who knew so much about nothing."
The Fake Boobs
"They're real, and they're spectacular..."
|The Implant||Season 4|
Delores: You don't know my name, do you?
Jerry: Yes I do.
Delores: What is it?
Jerry: It, uh, rhymes with a female body part.
Delores: What is it?
|The Junior Mint||Season 4|
Accused of Kissing Cousin Jeffery
JERRY: Wanna get some pizza?
|The Glasses||Season 5|
The Deaf Lineswoman
|The Lip Reader||Season 5|
The Masseuse Who Hates George
"Listen. I massage who I want, when I want. I don't submit to forcible massage. I'm getting out of here."
|The Masseuse||Season 5|
The Native American
WINONA: Oh, by the way. That TV Guide I gave you, I need it back.
WINONA: Well, I'm doing a report on minorities in the media, and I wanted to use that interview with Al Roker.
JERRY: Well, it's too late. I gave it to Elaine, and she's already on her way to give it to George's father.
WINONA: Jerry, I really need it back. It, it is mine.
JERRY: You can't give something and then take it back. I mean, what are you...
JERRY: A uh, a person that uh...
WINONA: A person that what?
JERRY: Well, a person that gives something and then they're dissatisfied and they wish they had, had never uh...
JERRY: ...give, given it to the person that they originally gave it to.
WINONA: You mean like, an Indian giver?!
JERRY: I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that term.
|Cigar Store Indian||Season 5|
Jane… aka Erika
"I'm sorry. I don't have a square to spare. Now if you don't mind."
|The Stall||Season 5|
AUDREY: Hum! That was really good!
JERRY: Yeah. Are you full?
AUDREY: Oh no, I've had just enough.
JERRY: Here we go... apple pie! Best apple pie in the city. Delicious. I'm not waiting for you. Take some.
AUDREY: No thanks.
JERRY: You're not gonna have any?
JERRY: Do you not like apple pie?
AUDREY: No, it's not that.
JERRY: Well, at least taste it.
JERRY: You won't even taste it?
Jerry's Pretend Wife
JERRY: Oh...yeah...you've never met my wife, Meryl? Meryl Seinfeld.
CLEANER: Sure, you get the discount, too.
JERRY: You might regret that, because the money my wife spends on clothes...
MERYL: I'm taking him to the cleaners!
|The Wife||Season 5|
The Orthodox Jew
"Oh my God! I'm sorry, I thought this was the baby's room. I'm really sorry."
Miss Rhode Island
"My doves! They're dead! I trained those birds for eight years! How am I supposed to do my magic act now?"
|The Chaperone||Season 6|
Newman: Oh, chocolates . . . Margaret?
Jerry: You two know each other?
Newman: You might say that.
Margaret: We used to go out.
Newman: Well, tootle loo. And nice seeing you again Margaret, goodbye Jerry. Have fun. Hehe
Jerry: YOU went out with . . . Newman?
Margaret: Just a few times.
Margaret: I liked him.
Jerry: You liked, Newman?
Margaret: Look I'm a little uncomfortable talking about this okay?
Jerry: No, I'm sorry. I'm just a little curious. I mean why did you stop seeing him.
Margaret: He ended it.
Jerry: HE ended it?
Margaret: YES!! Yes! It was a couple of years ago. Why does it matter?
Jerry: No, no of course not.
|The Big Salad||Season 6|
Kristin: You got the card I sent?
Jerry: I did.
Kristin: So where is it?
Kristin: The card. Is this it in the trash?
Kristin: This is my card, you threw it away.
Kristin: I put a lot of thought into this card.
Jerry: You signed your name and you addressed the envelope, it's not like you painted the picture and wrote the poem.
Kristin: Fine. I gotta get back to the office.
Jerry: Why, because I threw the card out? How long was I supposed to save it?
Kristin: You have no sentimentality.
Jerry: I have sentimentality, really, I'm sentimental. Here, look. Here's some cards I've saved, these are birthday cards from my grandmother, see, I'm not a bad guy.
Kristin: Oh, so you save her cards but not mine! Oh great!
|The Pledge Drive||Season 6|
|Donna Chang||Angela Dohrmann||
JERRY: So I'm curious. What'd you tell Mrs. Costanza that changed her mind?
DONNA: I mentioned a few bits of wisdom from Confucius.
JERRY: Confucius, huh?
JERRY: You know, you're not Chinese...
|The Chinese Woman||Season 6|
The Romanian Olympic medalist
"In my country, they speak of a man so virile, so potent, that to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of such sensual delights most women dare not dream of. This man is known as the "Comedian". You may tell jokes, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, but you are no Comedian."
|The Gymnast||Season 6|
Works for Duncan Myers
"You really like to say my name? Don't you?"
|The Race||Season 6|
The Girl Who Never Laughs
"Huh... That's funny."
|The Switch||Season 6|
|Officer Cathy Tierney||Katherine LaNasa||
The Melrose Place Cop
"I think you've seen it."
|The Beard||Season 6|
The Nut Sucker
"Well I didn't know you were gonna eat them?"
|The Doodle||Season 6|
One of Jerry's Rendezvous'
Jerry makes out with her at the airport at the end of episode.
|The Diplomat Club||Season 6|
The Crying Understudy
DROPPING HER HOT DOG "Oh no... My frankfurter. My frankfurter fell 'sob sob sob sob' . It was really good. I can't believe that I dropped it. 'sob sob sob sob'"
|The Understudy||Season 6|
|Melanie||Athena Massey||Eats Her Peas One at a Time||The Engagement||Season 7|
The Mutton Girl
"When we were little girls Grandma Memma would take us to a matinee and then dinner here."
"Everybody like mutton?"
|The Wink||Season 7|
"You called me shmoppy. You're a shmoopy."
|The Soup Nazi||Season 7|
|Lena Small||Jennifer Guthrie||
Girl on A.I.D.S. Walk List
LENA: Can you wrap up all the left-overs on the table, please? I always take the left-overs. I work in a soup kitchen every morning at 6 a.m.
JERRY: So, let me ask you something - these people eat soup three times a day?
|The Sponge||Season 7|
|Sue Ellen Mishke||Brenda Strong||
The Bra-less Wonder
The Heiress to the O'Henry Candy Bar Fortune
|The Caddy||Season 7|
The Black and White Dress
CHRISTIE: I think your friend needs some help over there.
JERRY: You know, the only way to really help her is to just let her be.
|The Seven||Season 7|
||The Friars Club||Season 7|
|Nicki||Dylan Tays||The Girl Who Always Gets Her Way||The Calzone||Season 7|
|Beth Lookner||Debra Messing||I'm Here For You||The Wait Out||Season 7|
|Janeane Garofalo||Jeannie Steinman||Jerry's Perfect Match||
|Season 7 & 8|
|Pam||Kim Myers||Bookstore Girl||The Soul Mate||Season 8|
|Gillian||Kristin Bauer||Man Hands||The Bizarro Jerry||Season 8|
|Abby||A.J. Langer||The Protégé||The Fatigues||Season 8|
|Ellen||Christine Taylor||The Unpopular Hottie||The Van Buren Boys||Season 8|
|Jenna||Kristin Davis||Toothbrush in Toilet||The Pothole||Season 8|
|Beth Lookner||Debra Messing||
Beth and Arinie
"Not to mention the blacks and the Jews"
|The Yada Yada||Season 8|
|Valerie||Lauren Graham||The Speed Dial Girl||The Millennium||Season 8|
|Alex||Melinda Clarke||The Girl Who Loves Hairless||The Muffin Tops||Season 8|
|Lanette||Amanda Peet||The High Maintenance Girl||The Summer of George||Season 8|
|Claire||Sarah Peterson||Talking Belly Button||The Voice||Season 9|
|Patty||Lori Loughlin||The "Get Mad" Girl||The Serenity Now||Season 9|
|Celia||Julia Pennington||The Toy Girl||The Merv Griffin Show||Season 9|
|Sara||Marcia Cross||Pimple Popper M.D.||The Slicer||Season 9|
|Melissa||Kathleen McClellan||Living-Room Naked||The Apology||Season 9|
|Gwen||Karen Fineman||The Two-Face||The Strike||Season 9|
|Keri||Jennette Robbins||The Carry-All girl||The Reverse Peephole||Season 9|
|Sophie||Cindy Ambuehl||The Tractor Story||The Burning||Season 9|
|Lisi||Julia Campbell||The Sentence Finisher||The Frogger||Season 9|
|Cindy||Angela Featherstone||The Sex Maid||The Maid||Season 9|